I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
