My sheets look like a crime scene.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
