quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
