Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
