Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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