I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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