god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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