Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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