Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
