wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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