Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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