Can Purell be used as lube?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
