Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
