I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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