i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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