This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
