You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Alive.
So much puke
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
