you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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