That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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