TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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