it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That accounts for only three of the penises
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
