I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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