i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize