Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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