i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
