I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
