its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
