Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
