Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
