Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
