using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
