Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
