also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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