The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
