Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
