i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
