Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
