i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
