naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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