I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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