as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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