Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"

Fav 2 936 1989
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(330): View more from Ohio

oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle

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(303): View more from Colorado

Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet

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(919): View more from North Carolina

he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.

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(801): View more from Utah

I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?

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(219): View more from Indiana

I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.

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(443): View more from Maryland

so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I smell like beef jerky

(618): View more from Illinois

That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.

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