Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
