i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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