You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
