Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
