I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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