4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
