in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
