he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
