we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
