is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
