So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
