Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
