Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
