I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
