did you get engaged???
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
