You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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