After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
