he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
