so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
