I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
