I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
