How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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