After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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