you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
