I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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