There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
