How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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