Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
