it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
