There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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