Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
