what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
