she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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