The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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