We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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