There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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