My balls are so social today.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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