I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
